I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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