That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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