i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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