writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
