is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
