there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
worst night to have a conscience
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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