I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
