i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
