she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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