I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I will be naked everywhere
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So vagazzling was a success
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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