hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
