Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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