i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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