so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
