He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
