Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
