don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
