Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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