my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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