Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
