The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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