Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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