He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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