he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
