Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
either way he was missing a nipple.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
