And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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