i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
