I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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