My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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