In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
