I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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