He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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