isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
