took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
