also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
