and my herpes radar will keep us safe
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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