He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
