Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
