No stitches, just platelets and will power
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
