i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
