ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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