i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
