you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Boobs are out for the taking
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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