Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
