I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
