After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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