I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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