I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
