he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
