made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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